No. 5a. "As some day it may happen," Ko-Ko and Men

Ko-Ko
As someday it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list -- I've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground
And who never would be missed -- who never would be missed!
There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs --
All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs --
All children who are up in dates, and floor you with 'em flat --
All persons who in shaking hand, shake hands with you like that --
And all third persons who on spoiling tete-a-tetes insist --
They'd none of 'em be missed -- they'd none of 'em be missed!

Chorus of Men

He's got 'em on the list -- he's got 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed -- they'll none of 'em be missed!

Ko-Ko

There's the nigger serenader, and the others of his race,
And the piano organist -- I've got him on the list!
And the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face,
They never would be missed -- they never would be missed!
Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone,
All centuries but this, and ev'ry country but his own;
And the lady from the provinces, who dresses like a guy,
And "who doesn't think she dances, but would rather like to try";
And that singular anomaly, the lady novelist --
I don't think she'd be missed -- I'm sure she'd not be missed!

Chorus of Men

He's got her one the list -- he's got her on the list;
And I don't think she'll be missed -- I'm sure she'll not be missed!

Ko-Ko

And that Nisi Prius nuisance, who just now is rather rife,
The Judicial humorist -- I've got him on the list!
All funny fellows, comic men, and clowns of private life --
They'd none of 'em be missed -- they'd none of 'em be missed!
And apologetic statesmen of a compromising kind,
Such as What d'ye call him -- Then-'em-bob, and likewise -- Never mind,
And 'St -- 'st -- 'st -- and What's-his-name, and also You-know-who --
The task of filling up the blanks I'd rather leave to you.
But it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list,
For they'd none of 'em be missed -- they'd none of 'em be missed!

Chorus of Men

You may put 'em on the list -- you may put 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed -- they'll none of 'em be missed!

Martyn Green, who played Ko-Ko in more than 1,500 performances, describes Gilbert's original reference and the history of this change like this:

It was not until 1947 that any form of criticism was leveled at the use of this word, yet the D'Oyly Carte had played in the United States many times from 1934 on. However, serious objections were expressed in 1947. Rupert D'Oyly Carte approached Sir Alan P. Herbert, a contemporary lyricist, to provide alternatives to the word, both in this song and in the Mikado's song. There was no difficulty over this one -- the word was simply changed to "banjo player," basing the change on Gilbert's meaning of the word when he wrote it, viz., the itinerant street singer who, in imitation of the Negro minstrel, a craze that had come over from the United States, was using burnt cork and twanging away on a banjo at virtually every street corner. It was impossible to miss him. (Green 416 n. 17)

There's the banjo serenader and the others of his race

To a page that outlines some of the questions that must be addressed in thinking about the racism and ethnic bigotry in The Mikado.

To Act I or Act II of Gilbert and Sullivan's The Mikado.

To the homepage of this Mikado website.

Suggestions, contributions, criticisms, questions? Email Sharon Cogdill.